worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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