How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My dick has a subreddit
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
