I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We named our party play list daddy issues
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
