Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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