So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
