wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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