I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
