I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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