my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
