Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
