I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
