I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Green mimosas i think yes
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
