I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
