Just fell off a train. Bad.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
