the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
