At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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