THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The uberlube is also flammable
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
