drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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