dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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