Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
