If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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