The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
