I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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