we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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