Already got asked if we're dating
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
