remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
