Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
