Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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