...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
