He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize