I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
