Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
