dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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