I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
