if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
