Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
