if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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