i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
