i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
4 words: hood of his car
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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