I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
