Farmville is her only friend.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
