i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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