You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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