if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
