just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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