Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
