I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Randomize
