yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
