white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
