Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You can't motorboat a personality
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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