According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
