My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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