Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
