Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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