I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
