Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
