Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
