Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
