i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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