Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
