If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
