I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
