I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
