Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
