we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
