Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
