I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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