end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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