I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
