his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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